The emotional side of Diabetes…a difficult topic to write about. I feel a colourful array of emotions but never really speak about them or am asked about them. I’ve been a Type 1 Diabetic for over three decades. I’ve hated it, been embarrassed of it, sworn at it and embraced it. One thing I’ve learned is I cannot hide from it. My emotions run high and low just like my blood glucose levels.
That feeling of euphoria when your HbA1c result comes back better than you expected. Then there’s the fear emotion before you receive that result. Will it be ok? Is it in range? Will I get told off? How do I explain?
Misconceptions around Diabetes and lack of education sadden me and bring me down…
I also worry about my family and their emotions. How they feel about all this. They after all have been through it all with me. My teenage daughter has had to deal with my Diabetes all of her life just like me! She has faced the uncertainty of another bad hypo. I don’t have any hypo awareness and this is frightening and worrying for myself but I know my daughter worries too. It’s just the two of us and she has had to learn to react and treat my hypos. I feel guilty that she has had to do this through no choice of her own.
Diabetes doesn’t just affect my emotions it has a knock on effect with my nearest and dearest. I’ve undergone three vitrectomy operations due to a diabetic complication known as Retinopathy. I’ve had both cataracts removed and plastic lenses implanted …I had to give up driving after loosing all my peripheral vision. Aside from my horror, fear and uncertainty I watched my mother worry about the outcome. We worried together but sometimes separately …she didn’t want to upset me and me her.
I feel my diabetes has put a lot on their shoulders. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions that none of us can leave. It’s ongoing…frustrating.
My third vitrectomy operation came after I had been very ill with viral meningitis. I was so physically sick vomiting that the pressure in my eyes caused a rupture to the vessels in my left retina….now if I’m ill I worry about vomitting and it causing another bleed!
I try to stay strong and focused …been through alot BUT still going strong …diabetes may bring me down at times but won’t keep me down ! I would like to say a big thank you to everyone involved with the #doc their support is amazing! I felt isolated before finding Twitter and then the #doc the diabetes online community …realising there are others out there who understand me. I can share my experience. The #doc are helping to eliminate my alone and down feelings and that is priceless.